I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
