I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
