Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
me + whiskey = a bad person
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I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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