Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
