I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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