I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize