You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found puke in my bra..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
