I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
