this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
