Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize