I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
