every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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