So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
