In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
