i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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