Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
