I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
