So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
