he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize