dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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