I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
