She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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