Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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