Can Purell be used as lube?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
