I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
