Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
