Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
