dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
