Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
