I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
