Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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