drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
