Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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