It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
