Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
