I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
