his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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