im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
