I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
