I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
