I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
