Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
