I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
