he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
