just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
