you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
