I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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