i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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