he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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