Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize