I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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