he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
