UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize