The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think my vagina is haunted
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
