Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
