You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
