Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
