I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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