She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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