how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
