Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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