no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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