my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
