i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
