i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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