All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
