do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dicks are not precious.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
