Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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