Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
