Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
