my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
