omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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