I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
